Submissive’s Rules

Hello all, and welcome to our list of rules.  If you are new to D/s and are using this to help create your own set of submissive rules we encourage you to review our post on “Beginner BDSM“.  There are somethings here that are harder to maintain than others, so start with a smaller set and work up to the list that you want over time.

A series of small successes will always beat large failures.

The following are rules for the submissive, herein known as “she”.  These rules are to be followed at all times when it is socially and acceptable.  Such times will be determined by Him.

  • Safety
    • A safe word will be used to protect her as we grow through the D/s relationship.
    • A limit is defined as something to be pushed and explored.
    • Work, children, and educational endeavors override all rules.
  • General
    • When He enters a room, she is to kneel when appropriate.   When inappropriate she is to reach out and make physical contact.  If that is not possible, she is to make eye contact.
    • The schedule will be maintained online, if it is not found there, it does not exist.
    • she will blog at least weekly, this can be her feelings, current events, or a fantasy story.
    • she will meditate and keep a journal daily.
    • she will sit at His’ feet, unless given permission to do otherwise.
    • she will be available and prepared for sexual service whenever He wishes.
  • Caring for Him
    • He will be addressed as “Sir” when possible.
    • As His alarm clock, she will wake him up by sucking His cock.
    • she will wash him.
    • she will record all purchases on the day they are made in the appropriate application.
    • she will ask “Sir, do you have any needs that I may serve or may I get into bed?”
  • Home Responsibilities
    • she is the primary person responsible for the cleanliness of the home.  It is expected to be kept neat and organized.  Counters are to be clear of clutter, laundry completed, and the gardens well kept.  The family will work with her to keep the home in top shape.
    • she will maintain a list of projects she would like to see completed and they will be discussed and timelines set around them.
    • she will wash, fold, iron and put away His clothes so He is prepared for the day.
    • she will kneel and present her leather collar without asking after the children have gone to bed or when children are not home.
  • Clothing
    • At all times she will maintain her uniform.  In private this will consist of  a leather collar.  In public, this is a decorative collar.
    • she is encouraged to show off her body through the use of provocative clothing.  He prefers this; but understands that she is not [yet] comfortable doing so.
    • When sleeping, she will either sleep naked or wear a night gown.
  • Shopping
    • All purchases will be pre-planned, shopping lists and a budget will be created.  Purchases will be restricted to the shopping list.
    • she has the freedom to make financial choices around the well being of our children; but will report those choices immediately.
    • Any purchase over 25 dollars must be approved by Him.
    • Any purchase over 50 dollars by He or she will be discussed by both parties.
  •  Sexual
    • He is deviant in His sexual ways.  she will work hard to encourage this through words and actions.
    • Bondage and spankings are not always to be considered correctional in nature.
    • Playtime will occur at least twice a week regardless of schedule.
    • Maintenance spankings will be used.
  • Correction
    • The stool will be used for correction.  He will tell her how to position herself on the stool.
    • Correction will be explained prior to being enacted.
    • Correction will be delivered immediately, if in public this will not involve the stool but another form of correction.

This document will be modified at any time by Him and any updates will be communicated to her prior to being required.

Updated – 28 December 2015.

98 thoughts on “Submissive’s Rules

  1. dayliacatt says:

    Hi Joyce, oh ur sounding similar to our story, except it was me asking. 2 1/2 yrs ago. Weve been together 28 yrs with 1 child. My first thing to say is read read read. Join spankingtube, watch plenty of videos, fetlife will show other kinks you may like, but read up online, read novels and talk to each other during and after every play. You can work it around ur kids, choose a certain time in the wk u have the place to urselves for any fun or punishment, id very happily chat some more to help, its quite fun learning to cry inside instead of out, meaning you can play when the kids r awake but wont hear. Things like respect and rules ur hubby makes can be done around ur kids. Couple of mine were, wear no knickers ever, wear make up daily, chores to do, always respectful to him all the time, no swearing. But i will happily chat whenever if i can help, as ive been there. Xx

  2. phillip amacker says:

    new to the life style. .my sub and i both are….however my sub is a brat… looking for advice on correction for her and myself.

    • sheforhim says:

      Questions like these are tough because I really know nothing about you other than making an assumption from how you write the post. So I am going to do my best to ignore that you did not take the time to capitalize or use apostrophes and just assume that is “Internet cool” and try to answer your question.

      The short answer is, you need to agree on a set of rules and corrective actions. Those actions will be based on you being accurate, understandable, concise, repeatable, and steady. As well as on your sub.

      If you sub cannot sit still, 5 minutes on a stool could seem like a long time. If they like to read, create a correction around that such as denying them access to their book or having them write a book report.

      Personally, I enjoy sitting quietly so that is not a punishment, actually… very few things would work on me. Which is fortunate, as a Dom, I do not have to worry too much about that. As a teacher I have had to read entire papers written like your question. That might be the worst punishment that someone could come up with for me.

      The goal is to create a relationship without correction, so find a common ground as to what you can agree on for the rules and steps to be taken if they are not followed.

      It is a journey to take together, and make sure when you write the rules, make it a formal document. Something that even the look of it carries weight.

      Let her/him respect you in everything you do simply by always trying to make yourself better. If you cannot hold yourself to that, do not expect someone else to do so just because you write a list of rules for them.

  3. Slave Angel says:

    A Slave and a Submissive under the direction of a Master …

    One is to administer a one off punishiment whipping between the Slave and Submissive.

    The fate to be dictated by the toss of a coin.

    If i as the Slave wins the fate to administer the punishment (whipping) to the Submissive… can i give over the the whip to the Submissive as i feel i deserve the whipping. If so how do i approach the Master ? …. Drop to my knees with the whip in my hand offering it over to the Submissive asking their forgiveness ??? Sir

  4. ForeverHis says:

    I just wanted to say that my Husband and I have read your entire blog and have found it completely inspirational and enlightening. We are brand new to the lifestyle, and can relate to you both on almost every level. We also have children (4 of them, ages 10 down to 1!), and have not been able to find very many resources on a MARRIED 24/7 lifestyle. So thank you very much for sharing your experiences and thoughts. This has been an invaluable resource for us.

  5. Gina says:

    what does he do for her

    • sheforhim says:

      An excellent question, one that we have answered a few times somewhere on the blog, but it will be different for every couple.

      Let’s face the facts, every relationship is an exchange. Someone gives sometimes and at other times they receive. A successful relationship is always a two way street.

      In the D/s world, a submissive will exchange some “freedoms” for the comfort and security they find in being submissive to a Dominant. The Dominant, in many cases, gives up more of their time to be with the submissive then regular couples. They provide for the submissive, perhaps allowing them to stay home in a “traditional” relationship.

      If you look back through history, married couples have predominantly been a power exchange. Where one individual (usually the woman) is submissive to the other. Taking care of the home, making meals, etc. while the other partner works.

      Think about it this way. In a traditional dating scene a couple might discuss where to go for dinner, and it goes something like this:

      1: Where do your want to go?
      2: I don’t know, I am not sure what I feel like.
      1: Lists a bunch of restaurants.
      2: Shoots them all down.
      1: Gets annoyed.
      2: Gets annoyed.

      Eventually a restaurant is selected and they go out to eat; but it is a complex process.

      In a D/s relationship, the Dominant would make the choice, taking into account their knowledge of the submissive. The “discussion” is avoided and no one gets annoyed.

      There is never a single answer, it all depends on how the relationship is structured and the individuals involved.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s