Question: How Do You Get Started?

I was reading this article today ( and came across a line that I think is important (among a lot of lines that I enjoyed).

“Ease into it”.  A lot of people have trouble going (as my wife likes to say) from “0 to 60” overnight.  So we have to plan and take that into consideration.

One of the things that worked for us was to create a 30/60/90 day plan.  Set objectives and work towards them.  Then review your progress, evaluate the goals, and adjust as needed.

For example, let’s say you decide that you want to have a threesome at 120 days.  Maybe you get two months in and realize that is no longer something you want.  Reset your goals along the way and you will find that your communication improves and your relationship grows right along with it.

Keep your goals simple at first, for a D/a couple maybe it is the submissive has to wait at the door when the Dominant is arriving home.  If it is a bedroom thing, start with blindfolds and work your way up to leather and a sex swing.

Find a pace that is comfortable for you as a couple.  


There is no “Wrong”

When I sit back and look at the friends I have made in life, the list is amazingly eclectic.  From the right to the left I spend time with people who cover the gambit of religious and political spectrums; and I always find it interesting the dislike people have for someone who believes differently than they do.

Imagine a world where we all believed the same thing.  It would be boring.  We need our differences, we need our healthy friction, and we need friends and family that see things differently than we do.

Their ideas, their lives are not wrong.  They are different.   Unless they are actually breaking the law…

If someone believes that vanilla sex is the right thing for them, that is amazing.  Because you can have a spiritual and emotional connection with someone through vanilla sex.

If someone believes they need to have their nails pulled out and be lit on fire while 12 guys violate them, also amazing, because it is what they want/need.

When we find acceptance of others, we validate and accept ourselves.  To me, part of BDSM is accepting people for who they are, not how I preceive them; and it is at times a humbling experience that we all need to experience!

Take sometime in 2017 to understand someone you know who sees things differently.  You might just find yourself richer for the experience.