Here is a great short read about why a Dominant has to establish trust so the submissive can know they will only go so far and that they are safe.
– If you expect your submissive to invest, you must match or exceed their energy and focus on the relationship.
– Stop calling it “punishment”! We are correcting actions we do not like, not punishing people. It is correction.
– Make punishment part of play. That is where that word belongs.
– Limits exist for a reason. Push them, but do not break them. Let you submissive come to the realization that some of their limits are holding them back.
– SOME LIMITS EXIST BECAUSE THE SUBMISSIVE NEEDS THEM. Tread lightly around these.
– Be creative. Try new things as rewards, corrections, play/scene time, and in your every day actions.
– Give what you get. Do not expect your submissive to give if all you do is take. That is not how it works.
Why do we accept that we live in a world where we need to have “gay clubs” or “black clubs”?
I absolutely get that the it is not that simple; that sometimes you want those things.
But does it not feel like our world has them because we “have too”?
Maybe it is like having a biker bar and a cowbo bar and I am seeing deamons where there are none; but it is sad to me that you cannot walk into a room and just be accepted.
Judgement of another is a dangerous path. It is not that far from “I can’t believe they do that in the bedroom” to “I can’t believe that <insert racial slur> was so slow to check me out today. Typical…”
Our society tends to judge anything that is different instead of looking for the ways to bridge our understanding.
What if we looked for a way to just not care what others do? Imagine that world where we could do what we want so that we no longer have to live in fear of being judged.
Now… The one exception is that we have to watch for hate. We have to protect people from abuse. A bruise might be a night that was fun or it might be a fist that keeps her quiet.
Friends support friends getting spanked for fun, not hit for anger.
We like to think that BDSM is new, that power exchange is something that has evolved recently.
However it is far from the truth. Historically most relationships have been male “dominated”. As an example, many people use the 1950s as an example of the D/s relationship they want to have.
Today, a healthy D/s relationship may reflect some of the virtues of the 1950s while providing women with greater rights outside the dynamic. An unhealthy one will be more along the lines of abuse, where one partner is not comfortable or safe.
I found this Tumblr blog that shows BDSM through “the ages” and has some really great photos on it: http://historyrestrain.tumblr.com/
Go check them out!