Sexual Sadism

Psychology and the human mind are fascinating subjects, it is always interesting to listen to people talk about themselves.  So many people love to brag and carry on about how great they are at a sport, with computers, cooking, or whatever their passion is.

It can be tough to be humble when discussing things that excite you; and perhaps people have earned the right to talk about their skills.

After all, I am fairly good at the things I do at work, probably one of the best; but I let my abilities brag for me instead of my mouth.  So I always wonder what makes some people want to tell you all about how awesome they are while others have no real interest in doing so.

I do not believe it is an introvert vs. extrovert trait as I am an extrovert.  I have my ideas on why I present things the way I do; but I do not know if those same reasons would extend to others.

Anyway… I find psychological articles and scientific examinations of the BDSM world and sadism quite interesting.  Such as the ideas that sadism could be driven from examples such as these:

Sadger (1926) proposed that children developed a tendency to sadism when their caretakers both bring sexual pleasure and deny it when initiating toilet training or preventing masturbation.

Friedberg (1956) suggested that teething is the root of sadism.

I would debate Friedberg’s thoughts, why would teething create sadists of some?  Does it create masochists of the others?  It seems like the feeling of the tooth breaking through, the pain found in that and then suddenly the release, the relief as the tooth breaks though would be more in line with the elation that a masochist would feel than that of a sadist.

I know a few sadists (outside of the BDSM world) that do not enjoy their own personal pain, it is in inflicting it on others that they find pleasure.

Wherever our personal traits come from (and I have to imagine that each of us develop them in different ways) this is an interesting article on sexual sadism, specifically calling out that there is a difference between sadism in a consensual relationship and sadism that is designed to hurt or kill.

It is good to see that writers are identifying the difference between two people playing with whips and chains and an individual who is re-enacting the events in the SAW movies for their personal pleasure.

Some BDSM Links

I went looking for some new and interesting links and found a couple of fun ones to visit:

The BDSM Dashboard from Belasarius, found at:

This Excel file allows you to “pick your kinks” and see a resulting graphs and charts around your kink.  It may not be completely scientific; but it is fun.

The Sex List, found here:, contains (per the author):

  • Punishments
  • Things to do for couples
  • BDSM + BDSM experience list
  • Domination + Rules
  • Alternative toys
  • Dares & truths
  • Outdoor & Public
  • Roleplaying
  • Dice Games

A PDF, Mainstreaming Kink, found here:

A set of guides and tools (mostly for getting started) can be found here:

There are dozens and dozens of other sites out there so keep an eye out for awesome resources!

A Good Find: Chair

This chair went together quickly and is designed to be used outdoors.  

The combination of open slats and good tie down spots creates a good bondage chair.

There are a few things that could be added to the chair but keeping it “vanilla” allows you to use it for other purposes as well.

Bar height chairs tend to work well due to their height, at least for me.

Pic of the Day

control [kuh n-trohl] 

verb (used with object), controlled, controlling.

1. to exercise restraint or direction over; dominate; command: The car is difficult to control at high speeds.  That zone is controlled by enemy troops.

2. to hold in check; curb: to control a horse; to control one’s emotions.

Control is a amazing and often fragile thing.  When a submissive gives themselves freely it becomes a great responsibility for the Dominant to care and guide them.  Much like ever military leader should take care in placing their troops in harms way, a Dominant should protect and care for his submissive.  Both the troops and submissive may face hardships, it is believed that their training and mental development will prepare them for what is in store.

For the submissive, one of the things that many Domiants like to control is their release.  Only allowing them to cum when the Dominant wants or on command.

It can be quite enjoyable for the Domiant to hear their submissive beg and plead; and in the end control is truely tested.

Practice all types of control carefully.  Denying a submissive to cum for a week may be “cruel” if that is a day one task but not if it is a year into a relationship.  The measure of what is appropriate is defined by the individuals involved and what you agree to as a couple (or group).



I came across this site today and they have some fun ideas in the DIY area.  Actually the entire site is kind of a DIY site for adult playtime.

Check them out:

They have a LED spreader base, ice dildo, and dozens of other ideas/directions including some fun role-playing ideas.

Although my favorite is probably the “Map of the Lands of Human Sexuality”.